noreasonneeded | IC/Overflow Post Part III

IC/Overflow Post Part III

Starters, thread continuations, texts, and PSL tags welcome here!

She has a point. He is tired of living like he has been. The trauma has been too overwhelming though for him to face it for just himself. It's been easier to simply hide from it, to create layers of shields and lies. Now he has something worth breaking through all of that. There's a tangible goal at the end of the dark tunnel. Something finally means enough to him to try working through it again. He does owe her for that. As much as he likes to be an island, this isn't an issue he can figure out on his own.

He looks down at their hands together. If left long enough it'll scrape his defenses raw, but he can last a lot longer than he once did. There's even enough tolerance to where he can enjoy the touch rather than it just being a battle to keep the panic at bay. His thumb lightly brushes against her hand. Will he once reach a point where he doesn't growl when Jesper clasps his shoulder? Where his teeth aren't set on edge in a crowded train? Perhaps. Maybe it won't ever be easy or come naturally to him, but he'll tolerate it better. As long as he can enjoy contact with her, he can live with the rest.

At the meowing he lightly rubs his fingers through the cat's fur.

"I'm starting to like it, too." He lightly lifts their hands. "It is getting easier. With you."

At her other question he lifts his shoulders in a small shrug. "I'm not sure." He hasn't slept in awhile, but the fight has also been draining. It's probably a combination of both. His gaze glances over her face. "It doesn't look like you slept all that well yesterday, either." He knows he's part of the reason for that and he feels a little bad for it.

He proves her point. Lifting her hand, adding those little touches. Kaz has been holding onto her for a while witj¿hout struggle. In a way, it reflects what they have been through. They might have thought, there might be obstacles in the way. But when things feel right, it seems as if those troubles have meant nothing.

Things are sure feeling easier now.

"Good. Because I really like it too."

Will she be able to hold him one day? In a day like this one, it's probably the one thing Kate really longs for. But the way Kaz's thumb strokes her hand brings her back to Earth. It might look minimalistic, but she knows the weight and true meaning of having her hand held like this. Like its an every day thing.

"Come on," she tugs lightly on it. "Bring Kruge, there's no excuse this time. We both need rest our eyes for a minute." It's better than using the 'S word' with Kaz, Kate thinks as she smiles to herself. "And if you're not too drained I'll give you a good night's kiss."

The storm might be quieter now, but at least it keeps the room dark enough to keep up with that illusion.

Kaz is a logical man most of the time. He knows he can't say he's tired and not expect her to follow up on it. He's fully aware he brought this insistence on himself, and therefore, he doesn't have an argumentative leg to stand on to oppose it. It's one thing when he's gone three days without sleep and keeps insisting he's fine and not weary, and it's another to admit it. They also just got out of one argument and he doesn't want to start another.

So he pushes himself up from his desk and slowly gets to his feet. He settles the cat on his shoulder as he takes his cane and walks to the bed. It's not a long trip since his attic office doubles as a bedroom. Kruge leaps off him and onto the mattress, always ready to nap. He sets the cane to rest against the bedside table and starts to take off at least his shoes and vest, to untuck his shirt. There's momentary debate about going to the restroom to wash up first but he deems it too much effort and instead lies down. He positions himself on the side of the bed that faces the door and window, so if anyone sneaked in, they'd have to go through him first. He's claimed that spot when they share a bed.

With his leg he can't comfortably lie on his side, so he sleeps on his back. His head turns though to look at her. "May I ask you something?"

Things can truly be an emotional rollercoaster sometimes. Right now, Kate can barely believe they've both spent their night and good part of the day stewing on their own worries, their fears and pain. Now, it's crazy how things have changed. There's an odd softenss in the air, in the way she smiles at him as she watches him move. He might be tired, but that has little to do with the way he moves, how careful he is as he carries his cat as he limps his way to bed.

Even though she is well aware of which spot in the bed he'll take, Kate busies herself with her own little rituals. She makes her way to his door, locking up in case anyone intrudes. No, she's not thinking of getting naked this time, but sometimes she does take her top off in the middle of the night if the room feels too warm.

As she makes her way to bed, Kate reaches under her t-shirt to unclasp her bra, pulling a maneuver she's alread mastered to take off her underwear without having to remove her top first. Sitting on the side of the bed she's claimed as her own, she throws her bra on top of a chair before she removes her combat boots, kicking them off carelessly in the same chair's general direction. Finally, she removes her hair tie, letting that ponytail come undone as raven lockes fall down to her mid-back.

"Hmmmm?" Soon, she joins him in bed. Kruge lies down, stretched out between Kaz's legs and purring away. Kate rolls on her side and down, laying on her stomach. Like opposites, she lays on her stomach and Kaz on his back, watching each other, merely inches away from touching. Liek opposites that are pulled in by a stubborn kind of gravity. "Yeah, always. Shoot."

He watches her as she moves and undresses. His dark gaze has its usual intensity, a focus that makes most unsettled when it rests upon them. Kate has never shied away from it, though. Then again, she's never seen him at his worst. She's never fully dealt with the Bastard of the Barrel. A good thing, he thinks, as usually it takes one of his loved ones to die or the loss of his home to bring the most feral aspect of him out. He wonders though if she did see him like that if she'd look at him any differently.

He wants to think she wouldn't.

He slowly unsnaps his gloves and tucks them under his pillow. The rain outside is a familiar sound, far more so than the rare times that there's sun. It can wash away so many of the little crimes and slights in the city, letting things pool into gutters or rinse through cracks. It's only those who spend their lives in such crevices that it all falls into their laps. Kaz likes ruling from the shadows. For all his fears of the ocean, he welcomes what thunder and lightening bring. It's just nice to have someone to share it with now.

The cat purrs between his legs, and the thrum of rain combines with it to make his eyelids droop. He studies her as she lies in the inverse position to him. "I'm used to fighting against someone. It's different to fight for something instead."

Okay. Maybe it's not so much a question as it is a statement, but he's tired and there is a hint of puzzlement in his voice over the concept, anyway. Perhaps he has fought for things in the past, but it's never been framed that way in his mind. Like he's willing to fight for his relationship with Kate.

For a moment she says nothing, just watching him as he tries to unravel this riddle she's still waiting to slip off the tip of his tongue. But Kaz falls silent. His words take her aback to a time when things where simpler, when criminals were bad guys and heroes simply saved the day. Back when Kate would break the law thinking those little transgressions meant nothing. She had a goal to meet. She was looking forward to save the day. To one day follow Clint's massive footsteps, filling those soles an inch at a time.

But the future didn't bring her closer to fighting aliens or saving the city. Those petty crimes she commited became actual robbery and even assault. But its all about saving the underdog, isn't it? The underdogs that are now her family. These days she faces even worse criminals than the street gangs she used to fight.

Vigilante or thief, she's been someone fit for the Dregs for longer than she realized.

"Is there a question somewhere in there?" Amusement is obvious in her voice as the meaning of Kaz's words that, ironically, it catches her just around the corner, right as she teases him. She was so distracted by what her own definition of 'fighting for' is that she almost misses what she's got right under her nose.

Her hand, tucked against her shoulder, is inches away from Kaz's.

"You're not alone in this fight, you know?" She points out, only now realizing for how long she's been by herself without realizing it. Even in the most traditional sense of the word, she's been going out there in the night alone, Clint's lessons coming from calls as he enjoyed his retirement with his family.

It's been a long time since she's put a face to something worth fighting for.

Tipping the back of her hand towards his shoulder, she softly carresses it with her knuckles.

"I can be a total idiot sometimes. But I swear to you, there's nothing I want more than to stay here, by your side."

As the very mature owner of a growing empire and leader of the Dregs, Kaz sticks his tongue out at Kate when she points out that his question isn't actually a question.

He stiffens at first at the touch, holding his breath and counting until he can adjust to it. He still has to prepare himself for contact, to brace and slowly let himself get acclimated. It's getting easier with Kate for him to fight back that initial wave of panic and remain stable at the contact. After he gives himself a few moments he reaches over to slowly, and lightly, clasp the hand that's touching him for a brief moment.

"No. I know I'm not alone. Neither are you." They've combined forces in many ways, and while they still had the occasional hiccup, their goals and interests were aligned. Sometimes Kaz found it hard to talk to others as the leader of the Dregs, to manage that dividing line between friend and boss. Sometimes he finds it hard to put into words anything about his feelings, or to touch upon his past. Sometimes he still tries to handle things by himself, like he's done a time or two with the Council. He does know though that at the end of the day, his crew has his back. Kate has his back. And there's nothing he won't do for them, either.

"I hope you know that. I think the crew knows." Right? Surely they know that Kaz is there for them. Even if he's never actually put that sentiment into words, aside from once with Inej.

Kaz has certainly loosened up. From the way he can be dead serious, stoic as a marble sculpture only to act his age or even brattier as he sticks his tongue out at her. His muscles becoming tense at her touch but quickly adjuting, relaxing, welcoming it. Kate doesn't take as many careful steps around him anymore, doesn't fear he will break like crystal if she doens't warn him every time she'll touch him.

These days, she believes its better to take him by surprise, as long as she makes him feel safe first. Building up a mood or alone in only each other's company.

"I think the crew also thinks of the crew as family, Kaz." She squeezes his hand lightly before its gone again, the back of her fingers then resting briefly against his shoulder. She pulls them back only a few inches, wondering if he is able to see the little distance or feel it. Will he also tense up if he only thinks she is touching him?

"I don't know why it took us this long," she finally says, her tone a little playful. "We already knew we love each other, right? I mean, I would have bet on us, don't know about you."

The timing and circumstance upon which they touch does matter. He's naturally more on edge when they're not alone, not wanting to risk cracking the fortress built around himself in front of others. If he's not feeling well or in a bad mood, he also doesn't want to be touched. Right now though is different. It's a rare quiet moment between the two of them. Even the Slat is as quiet as it gets in general, in those late afternoon hours before nighttime business really starts. A part of Kaz feels like he should be up and working while he knows others are not, getting further ahead in a race that exists only in his mind.

Being here with Kate though also feels important. Like simply existing with her now is adding a building block towards what they're making together.

He can sense when her hand moves away from him. He shifts himself upwards on the pillow a little to get a better angle, then daringly reaches out to lightly touch her hair. Even without his gloves it feels different than touching pure skin and he lets out a little sigh of relief. The dark strands are soft and he's sleepy, and it's easy to become memorized in the light strokes. It's very gentle, just skimming the surface of her hair rather than a head massage, but it's another form of touch. His eyes are fighting not to close, the soft haze of sleep like a weighted blanket. He's normally stressed and terrified to sleep, waiting until his body passes out on him. Moments like this are rare.

"Yes," he says quietly. "I would have bet on us." There's a long pause before he admits, "I guess it's just not a word I use often. Or at all in the past fifteen years. Give or take." He's in his middle twenties now, and the last time he said those words his father had still been alive. Even with Jordie, there had been brotherly love, but a nine and thirteen year old weren't saying that phrase to one another. It had been shown through Jordie's attempt to get Kaz into school. Actions, once again, being the bedrock of Kaz's form of communication. "It doesn't feel like anything has changed on my end to hear it. But it matters to me since it matters to you to hear it." It's not that he dislikes hearing it, it's nice to have Kate say. She's right though that the words in and of themselves aren't a revelation for him. The fact that she is here, with him, that means everything. "That you're here to say it, that's what I remember."

Edited 2025-04-02 11:49 (UTC)

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IC/Overflow Post Part III

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