"Yes. Sometimes I wish things were different." He's spent a good deal of his life standing in doorways watching his friends live in ways that seemed unavailable to him. He always feels like he's not moving fast enough, not improving as he should, that he's weak for not simply forcing himself to be better. In moments like this, it's like having all those fears confirmed by the person that matters most to him. "But I don't think my partner is the person who should hold it against me. I feel like shit enough about it." Which might have been obvious, but also might have been the first time Kaz actually put into words how his condition makes him feel.
There are certain areas he knows Kate is vulnerable, and he'll never aim for them. That she went for one of his is hard for him to swallow. It's hard, because a part of him feels like she's right and he hates himself for it.
"So if we are going to do this, I'd like to know that you won't throw it in my face in the future to make me sorry." He'll leave it up to her if those moments where the planets align are reason enough to walk away or not, but he wants to trust that if she says what they have is enough, it is. That there aren't doubts rising that will make things between them bitter and break. "If you say we're good, and you can agree to that, then we're good."
He leans back in his seat, rubbing the bridge of his nose. His head and stomach hurt. He hates conversations like this. It's so much easier to simply be mad and to take it out on people he dislikes. He's certainly got a long enough list of enemies. It's a whole different battlefield to be her with her, being open and honest, fighting to keep a relationship he hopes they both want.
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There are certain areas he knows Kate is vulnerable, and he'll never aim for them. That she went for one of his is hard for him to swallow. It's hard, because a part of him feels like she's right and he hates himself for it.
"So if we are going to do this, I'd like to know that you won't throw it in my face in the future to make me sorry." He'll leave it up to her if those moments where the planets align are reason enough to walk away or not, but he wants to trust that if she says what they have is enough, it is. That there aren't doubts rising that will make things between them bitter and break. "If you say we're good, and you can agree to that, then we're good."
He leans back in his seat, rubbing the bridge of his nose. His head and stomach hurt. He hates conversations like this. It's so much easier to simply be mad and to take it out on people he dislikes. He's certainly got a long enough list of enemies. It's a whole different battlefield to be her with her, being open and honest, fighting to keep a relationship he hopes they both want.