noreasonneeded | IC/Overflow Post

Is this a joke? We’re getting a joke? [He sounds excited as he sits cross-legged on Kaz’s desk, swigging from the bottle.]

You’ll always be the one true joke, Jesper. [Kaz isn’t as tipsy as Jesper is but he’s comfortably buzzed, a little smirk on his face he doesn’t hide as he takes another small sip from his glass.]

Ha-ha, very not funny. Now shush, I’m concentrating.

I think steam’s coming out his ears from the effort.

I think you’re being very mean because you don’t know the answer.

I know an answer. [Admittedly, he doesn’t know if it’s the right one.] ‘What do you say to having a roe-mance?’ [He sees Jesper’s blank face.] Roe. R-o-e?

[ Considering Inej's skill for remembering secrets, she's always been poor at remembering most of the jokes she hears. It might have something to do with the fact Jesper's the funny one out of the three of them.

Jesper may not laugh, but Inej does. It's a good effort, but surprisingly, Kaz isn't right for once. ]

No!

[ She doesn't stop laughing or smiling. ]

Don't play koi with me! Get it? Koi?

[Whether it's from the joke or, more likely, Inej delivering it with such glee, Kaz does crack a small smile.]

No, no do not support that, Kaz. Inej, he's smiling, it's ghastly, don't take it as a compliment. That was awful.

It wasn't that bad. [A beat.] Though mine was better. [Because of course.]

You are both terrible at this and clearly you forever need me in your lives to compensate. I want to be equally clear, you both lost.

[ Inej mutters without any maliciousness, ] Of course, you think yours is better.

[ He wouldn't be Kaz if he didn't think what he proposed was infinitely better than the actual original joke itself.

But if he's smiling, then Inej thinks it's only fair she recalls another one. She wishes she was there to see it, but she supposes she can wield this new discovery for nefarious purposes when she docks at Ketterdam in the near future. ]

What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?

[Hearing her laugh, it elevates his mood more than any hard liquor could. It's a gift to get to still talk to her like this, one that he owes Wylan and Jesper for even if they didn't do it just for him. Quietly though he knows he'll have to pay them back, in a way that hopefully they'll never know he had a hand in gifting.

This one, though. This joke he knows. Jordie told it to him when they first caught sight of the harbors, to ease Kaz's fears of moving to a new city. His memory, picture perfect as always, can still hear his brother's voice telling it. Only now it's interwoven with Inej's soft, joyful sounds. It's like a balming bridge between past and present.

Quietly, not sadly but without the bragging of his earlier answer...]

… It a-piers we have a problem.

Edited 2023-04-18 23:23 (UTC)

[ She doesn't mean to gasp, but Inej had been ready to laugh at them again and inform them matter-of-factly of the correct answer. She'd been hoping to hear Kaz laugh again—or have confirmation that he was about to. ]

You've heard it before?

[ Jesper makes a sound as though he's trying to swallow a laugh. ] I surely haven't. Inej, dearest, Nej… have you ever been told a good joke in your life? One that wasn't gifted to you by yours truly? Because I have to say… [ He makes a point of sighing heavily, like he's put out by the mere thought of having to hear another comedically-aligned question from her. ] I'd like to speak to this Ania of yours and educate her on the fine art of comedy.

[Kaz doesn’t even have to pause to find words, because Jesper swoops in to distract. Intentionally? Unintentionally? Kaz can’t tell, which honestly miffs him a little at failing to read the room perfectly. He hates not knowing precisely what is going on at every moment. There is some small consolation though in the fact that with Jesper stepping in, he doesn’t have to say a word.]

I think someone just sounds jealous that Inej has a new comedy source at her disposal. [He’s a terrible friend for leaning into that angle to cover his own ass.]

One must make do with lesser dregs when they lack access to the finest options. I have zero doubts that Inej simply could never live a humorous life without me.

[ And where Jesper incidentally gives Kaz a lifeline, Kaz gives one to Inej. She doesn't wish to go on a heartfelt spiel about how she could never replace any of them. The Crows are her crows while her crew are her crew. The two can co-exist at the same time for her and take nothing from the other. She likes this light mood; it hadn't been entirely rare to capture when she was in Ketterdam, but it has been while on the sea. ]

If you're feeling particularly salty, I can stop with the jokes, Jesper.

Ha! I'm not sensitive at all! I'm just waiting for the real jokes to show up. Surely your new comedic friend has better jokes than mere questions. [ He releases a little huff and gestures to Kaz as though Inej is insane for thinking he's sensitive. Without even being there, Inej knows he is. ]

Okay. Knock knock.

[Kaz sees the look sent his way. He owes Jesper… it isn’t found in counts, in numbers. Kaz would rather it was, he’s good at numbers. Better than anyone. No, he sees right now that little hole in Jesper seeking reassurance. This isn’t Kaz’s domain, but since Inej left, whose is it? Maybe it’s also a bit selfish, in knowing he can’t keep Jesper forever but wanting him around as long as he feels fulfilled. Actually, it’s easier to think in those terms, that Kaz is nothing but a selfish bastard, than him clumsily trying to fill a gap where he can with someone he loves.

He simply mouths to Jesper ‘you’re funnier’ with a look that says ‘there can’t even be a contest.’

Crows flying together.

Jesper looks surprised for a moment, then preens with a silent gesture that indicates 'obviously'. As if to tentatively expand the reassurance he mouths bask to Kaz ‘You answer her.’ He of course does pantomimes as though Kaz couldn’t follow otherwise.]

Who’s there?

Kelp me. [ Inej frowns. That doesn't sound right at all. As soon as she speaks, she follows it up with a panicked, ] Wait, that's not how it goes!

[ Jesper bursts out laughing, clapping his hands. When he realises he's not clapping them close to Inej, he ensures to do so right over the communicator so that she can hear that he's laughing so very hard. ] There she is. The Wraith. The doomer of all jokes. How did that last joke of yours go? The one with the gorilla and the bartender? I've noticed you don't say any more bar jokes, Nej.

[ The one good thing about not being in the same room with either of them is that she can hide her face in her hands without Jesper pointing at her and bringing it to everyone's attention. Her face heats like she's the sun. Sometimes she wonders if she's truly an Inferni with how often her skin flushes like this.

And when she speaks again, her voice is muffled, but still loud in her horror. ]

Shut up, Jes! You messed me up on the last one!

Wait, it... might make sense...

[Kaz is trying. He's very tired and a little tipsy but his sheer will power refuses to be anything less than on point. Maybe what she said makes sense if he was in a better headspace.

It doesn't.

Maybe he can make it make more sense?]

No it works.

'Kelp me who?'

'Kelp me like those shell frauds don't.' [LISTEN he tried, he wanted to make it work. He has her back. Crows fly together? He's very tired.]

... if you wanted to take the heat for absolutely failing, Kaz... well done. Failing at the joke, that is.

[At slowly being an actual human person? Maybe he's learning.]

[ Inej can't help but chuckle at Kaz trying to rescue her poorly executed joke. It was bound to happen. No matter how many times she recites it over and over in her head, she jumbles it up. Perhaps it's for the best; Inej would rather retain the information she's carefully collected than mess that up for Kaz. ] Not even you can save this one, Kaz, but thank you for trying.

Maybe that's the joke. Kaz trying to save the joke from the Wraith.

[ Inej's sigh is put upon. ] Be nice, Jes.

I'm just saying. And I'm always nice. I didn't try and correct your joke or remind you that I am the best joker out of the lot of you. Of everyone in the city, perhaps.

I see you're still modest.

And you're still a poor joke teller, Inej. So poor that the boss man feels the need to save you. Now, that's funny.

[ Obviously no offence to Kaz, but he should've let that joke drown a very quick drowning. ]

Trust me! It's funny! The joke, not... [ Inej groans and audibly smacks her hand against her forehead. ] I hate you both.

I haven't done anything at the moment.

I like that you had to add that bit at the end. 'At the moment.' It shows a modicum of self-awareness.

[He earns a look at that.]

Yes, yes, you bring literal meaning to the phrase 'killer looks.' [Kazzle stretches and trots over to curl up on Kaz's bed.] Even the cat gets more use out of your bed. Or he's trying to tell us that we're boring. No, it can't be that. We're all three fascinating people. Me the most.

[ At least Kaz is self-aware enough to know something is on the horizon when it comes to him. She could never hate him even if he tried to make her, but she likes that both of them take it in stride.

Her face is still flushed with embarrassment for botching a simple joke. Thankfully, neither of them can see it. She has the luxury of playing it off.

After taking a sip of water, she closes her eyes and tries to imagine a cat on Kaz's bed. She can almost see it. ]

Cats sleep a lot, you know—and they sleep even more when they're surrounded by very tall, boring men. [ Like the two of them. Inej allows that implication to remain silent. She misses them dearly, although she can't admit that to Kaz. The walls they've managed to knock down tonight would erect thickly in an instant. ] Let him sleep on the pillow, Kaz. It's a nice pillow.

Hey! We are fascinating tall men, thank you very much.

I don't really care if I'm interesting or not. [He's heard many times that he focuses on work too much and it slides right off his back.]

Well, fine. You're boring and you make me boring by association, apparently.

The cat can sleep where he wants as long as it's not where I'm walking. Which until tonight I would have said that makes the bed fine, because what weirdos would walk on a bed? [These two weirdos he's talking to, apparently.]

I think he might be implying something, Inej.

I think he is, Jesper.

[ She ensures to hum long and loud as though she's considering the magnitude of Kaz's statement. He hasn't said not to walk on his bed—and Inej will ensure that she does so when she returns to Ketterdam, with or without him witnessing it. ]

How does that make you feel, Inej? I'm curious. [ Jesper presses his fingers to his chin as he hums thoughtfully. Stirring the pot has always been an incredibly gratifying hobby of his, even if this pot won't exactly bubble over into something extraordinary. Kaz is as unemotive as a brick wall sometimes. ]

As a weirdo who walks on Kaz Brekker's bed when he is and isn't in the room, it makes me feel like doing it even more. I might even consider jumping on it.

Ahh. And how does that make you feel, Kaz? Knowing that a weirdo is going to jump on your bed when she's next in the city? You must have some feelings about that.

[Kaz obstinately does not play along and hum to complete the trio of songbirds, though he does give a small headshake in exasperated fondness at them.]

I don’t have feelings. I have solutions.

You say that, but you love us too much to booby trap the bed with anything really nasty. … probably.

Put your unwashed feet on my pillow and find out.

[ Ah, yes; typical Kaz. His lack of playing along is already adding to the chorus of humming.

Inej can't help but snicker, but when she speaks next, she feigns offence. ]

I hope you're talking to Jesper and not me!

Hey! I'm deeply offended by what you're implying about my feet, Nej! My foot care routine is to die for.

I’m talking to both of you. I know where both of you have been. Only the cat can touch my pillow.

[A beat. Jesper’s gangly leg slowly extending out from the table…

Kaz’s cane moves to hit the sole of his foot in a very elegant swing.]

Oow! Okay, you’re not drinking enough if you can hit a target.

The goal isn’t to get drunk, Jesper.

Right, the goal is to take the absolute piss out of one another. And I think we’ve been letting Inej off the hook, save for when she hanged herself with that joke.

[ She can't help but laugh. Even though she's not there to see it, it's so easy to imagine a scenario where Jesper's putting his foot out to test the waters and for the shark to snap at him. Inej doesn't need to know the exact details to know what's happened. ]

Kaz just said I had dirty feet! I'm hanging on the hook like you, Jes.

Pfft. [ He mutters a small "Ow". ] You're not the one who won't be able to walk in the morning, Nej. Besides, we have weeks to make up for. Just because you're at sea doesn't mean you're not wracking up a debt for us taking the piss out of you. Isn't that right, Kaz?

Oh, stop whining. You can walk just fine.

After Wylan massages it for me. Oh wait, he can’t, because you’re mental and you encourage him being mental, it’s how you two bond. And you didn’t answer, Inej owes us some teasing, doesn’t she?

I think it’s her turn for the fat to meet the fryer. Think she’s made one of her crew act as parrot?

I hope for her saints not, she’s great at relaying information but imagine all the proverbs at a rallying cry for pirates? Really all one needs is a quip and a smirk to get the party started. Inej, love, I will have to ask you to convey your smirk to us through the device. If you can’t get it imbued in your words, then do you really have it at all?

I'm still here!

[ Which she supposes is the point. When it used to be the three of them, Jesper and Kaz would talk over her like she was a part of the shadows. She'd do the same to either of them, although Jesper was easier to exasperate than Kaz.

Perhaps it can have a double meaning. She's still here. She's still a Crow. No matter how far she sails, she's always with them. ]

I'll have you know my pirate cries are really, really good. [ She has no pirate cry, but she ensures to sound smug about it. ] And only pirates get to hear it. Considering neither of you is one, I guess you miss out on the fun.

[ Ha! ]

[Should his heart break a little at her insistent reminder of her existence? He's not the skill nor care to answer. He does note it though, as he does everything.

Kaz doesn't care at all about himself, but he's yet to fully safeguard against bleeding for his people. He sees her, now and always, but after she jokes about ignoring them for her new crew... it might not be a joke.

He's glad Jesper's here. He knows he won't be for much longer.]

We're plenty pirates! We're just ones that don't need an ocean to find a purpose. Right, Kaz? ... Kaz?

Right.

[ She rolls her eyes. ]

When I come back to Ketterdam, you can be pirates when you board my ship and help me unload it.

Did you hear that, Kaz? We get to be pirates! [ And Jesper's voice is as warm as his smile. The idea excites him, as it had back when Inej had playfully spitballed being a pirate to him so long ago. ] And you get to help our Nej unload her ship. What a great time it'll be for you while I learn the pirate cries.

[ Jesper's warm response doesn't surprise her. She doesn't expect the same from Kaz. He's always been guarded and aloof, and him acting any different would set her world a little off-kilter uncomfortably. ]

You know I’m sitting right here with you. I can hear the same things you hear.

Just making sure you’re paying attention.

I always notice everything.

Well, that’s just not true. How many fingers am I holding up behind my back?

How many fingers do you want left functioning?

Cranky. Maybe Inej should take you with her and leave Kazzle in charge here.

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