noreasonneeded | IC/Overflow Post

And you're complaining about me picking buttons and a hat!

[ Leave it to Jesper to always provide the possibility for a lighter tangent. Inej shouldn't be surprised by Kaz's answer. He's always been the one who's seen her. Even long before she became the Wraith, he saw her when the men who visited the Menagerie refused to. Sometimes she wishes he wouldn't and let her fade into the shadows, but it's in those moments where she's afraid she's lost herself that his being able to sense her lack of audible footfalls brings her back down to earth. ]

I can teach you how to do the hair braids if you sit still long enough and listen.

[ Jesper blows out a puff of air. ] I listen. [ He clears his throat. ] What did you say?

[ Inej rolls her eyes as she smiles. ]

See? Insufferable. My three choices were perfectly fine. Kaz would agree.

[Did he say too much? Probably. Kaz kicks himself a little, but at least Jesper and Inej pick up their banter between one another without missing a beat. He knows his place in this triangle, and he offers a simple, short answer.] Fine is never perfect.

I suppose that just leaves us Kaz to pick apart.

There’s nothing to say.

I’m pretty sure Inej and I get to decide that, yeah?

I already know what you think. There’s no point. The game is over.

[Beyond insufferable.] Oh, I’m thinking on some choice words that don’t even have a translation into your language yet.

I can learn anything. Including languages.

[Jesper blew out a breath.] You know, I actually believe that. Kaz Brekker is too bloody stubborn not to learn a language just to win a stupid 2 a.m. argument. Stop looking smug about it, that isn’t a compliment you absolute maniac.

It’s just funny you think I haven’t learned others for less.

Okay. That’s… Inej, I’ve done what I can with him while you’re gone, I hope you know.

Have you changed his hats around yet?

[ Perhaps can't do that now, even if he wanted to. That might be for the best—if Jesper touched Kaz's hats, she's sure he'd find himself regretting it.

But Inej doesn't wish to Kaz to be left out, especially when she and Jesper have had fun poking at him to give a word or sign off on their choices. Besides, the crows never leave anyone behind. ]

If I had to pick a way to describe a Kaz Thing, it'd be…

[ And now she wishes she hadn't spoken so she could have time to mull it over. There are a variety of words she could use. Stubborn. Meticulous. Intimidating. But they're not words that she associates with him, not anymore. Inej already knows how she'd describe him, and she knows admitting as much in front of Jesper won't see it go any further than Kaz's room, even if he uses it as fodder to gently tease them both. ]

Generous. And funny.

I haven’t, do you think his hats are tragic? I’m not sure he could pull off my style.

I would absolutely pull it off and leave it on the floor.

Scandalous. It would make a statement if we all started wearing our birthday suits.

[Kaz doesn’t say anything at hearing Inej’s words for him. They’re kind, she’s kind as usual, though it’s hard to wrap such notions around himself.]

I don’t know, he’s never generously told me a knock knock joke. Now, Kazzle… Inej, when you meet him, there is a cat who will share his mice. Some of the time.

[ She's not surprised that Kaz doesn't say anything. She'd be more surprised if he did. But he's heard it, and Jesper's heard it, and Jesper's not using it to twist it into something to try and embarrass either of them with. That's enough for her. ]

I'm happy if he shares his mice only with you, Jesper.

[ Mice, she can do without. There's probably one at home on The Wraith that Kazzle could befriend. ]

But you don't want Kaz to tell you a knock knock joke. He'd leave you at the door waiting.

I don't think any of us tell proper traditional jokes, now that I think on it. Maybe that should be a requirement for our next Crow.

Yeah sure, write up the job requirements. [They will not get read.] What about your crew, Inej? Anyone on it tell jokes that'd make Jesper jealous?

[ She clucks her tongue as she considers his question. Her crew is funny—Specht's come out of his shell to tell tales that she's not quite sure are real, but by the way he recalls them, they sound as real as the wooden planks beneath her feet. Even if she tried to recall one of his stories, she wouldn't be able to capture its heart at all. ]

Ania's quite funny.

[ After thinking for a brief moment, she shifts in her chair and clears her throat gently. Be ready to be wowed, boys. ]

What did the carp say to his crush?

Is this a joke? We’re getting a joke? [He sounds excited as he sits cross-legged on Kaz’s desk, swigging from the bottle.]

You’ll always be the one true joke, Jesper. [Kaz isn’t as tipsy as Jesper is but he’s comfortably buzzed, a little smirk on his face he doesn’t hide as he takes another small sip from his glass.]

Ha-ha, very not funny. Now shush, I’m concentrating.

I think steam’s coming out his ears from the effort.

I think you’re being very mean because you don’t know the answer.

I know an answer. [Admittedly, he doesn’t know if it’s the right one.] ‘What do you say to having a roe-mance?’ [He sees Jesper’s blank face.] Roe. R-o-e?

[ Considering Inej's skill for remembering secrets, she's always been poor at remembering most of the jokes she hears. It might have something to do with the fact Jesper's the funny one out of the three of them.

Jesper may not laugh, but Inej does. It's a good effort, but surprisingly, Kaz isn't right for once. ]

No!

[ She doesn't stop laughing or smiling. ]

Don't play koi with me! Get it? Koi?

[Whether it's from the joke or, more likely, Inej delivering it with such glee, Kaz does crack a small smile.]

No, no do not support that, Kaz. Inej, he's smiling, it's ghastly, don't take it as a compliment. That was awful.

It wasn't that bad. [A beat.] Though mine was better. [Because of course.]

You are both terrible at this and clearly you forever need me in your lives to compensate. I want to be equally clear, you both lost.

[ Inej mutters without any maliciousness, ] Of course, you think yours is better.

[ He wouldn't be Kaz if he didn't think what he proposed was infinitely better than the actual original joke itself.

But if he's smiling, then Inej thinks it's only fair she recalls another one. She wishes she was there to see it, but she supposes she can wield this new discovery for nefarious purposes when she docks at Ketterdam in the near future. ]

What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?

[Hearing her laugh, it elevates his mood more than any hard liquor could. It's a gift to get to still talk to her like this, one that he owes Wylan and Jesper for even if they didn't do it just for him. Quietly though he knows he'll have to pay them back, in a way that hopefully they'll never know he had a hand in gifting.

This one, though. This joke he knows. Jordie told it to him when they first caught sight of the harbors, to ease Kaz's fears of moving to a new city. His memory, picture perfect as always, can still hear his brother's voice telling it. Only now it's interwoven with Inej's soft, joyful sounds. It's like a balming bridge between past and present.

Quietly, not sadly but without the bragging of his earlier answer...]

… It a-piers we have a problem.

Edited 2023-04-18 23:23 (UTC)

[ She doesn't mean to gasp, but Inej had been ready to laugh at them again and inform them matter-of-factly of the correct answer. She'd been hoping to hear Kaz laugh again—or have confirmation that he was about to. ]

You've heard it before?

[ Jesper makes a sound as though he's trying to swallow a laugh. ] I surely haven't. Inej, dearest, Nej… have you ever been told a good joke in your life? One that wasn't gifted to you by yours truly? Because I have to say… [ He makes a point of sighing heavily, like he's put out by the mere thought of having to hear another comedically-aligned question from her. ] I'd like to speak to this Ania of yours and educate her on the fine art of comedy.

[Kaz doesn’t even have to pause to find words, because Jesper swoops in to distract. Intentionally? Unintentionally? Kaz can’t tell, which honestly miffs him a little at failing to read the room perfectly. He hates not knowing precisely what is going on at every moment. There is some small consolation though in the fact that with Jesper stepping in, he doesn’t have to say a word.]

I think someone just sounds jealous that Inej has a new comedy source at her disposal. [He’s a terrible friend for leaning into that angle to cover his own ass.]

One must make do with lesser dregs when they lack access to the finest options. I have zero doubts that Inej simply could never live a humorous life without me.

[ And where Jesper incidentally gives Kaz a lifeline, Kaz gives one to Inej. She doesn't wish to go on a heartfelt spiel about how she could never replace any of them. The Crows are her crows while her crew are her crew. The two can co-exist at the same time for her and take nothing from the other. She likes this light mood; it hadn't been entirely rare to capture when she was in Ketterdam, but it has been while on the sea. ]

If you're feeling particularly salty, I can stop with the jokes, Jesper.

Ha! I'm not sensitive at all! I'm just waiting for the real jokes to show up. Surely your new comedic friend has better jokes than mere questions. [ He releases a little huff and gestures to Kaz as though Inej is insane for thinking he's sensitive. Without even being there, Inej knows he is. ]

Okay. Knock knock.

[Kaz sees the look sent his way. He owes Jesper… it isn’t found in counts, in numbers. Kaz would rather it was, he’s good at numbers. Better than anyone. No, he sees right now that little hole in Jesper seeking reassurance. This isn’t Kaz’s domain, but since Inej left, whose is it? Maybe it’s also a bit selfish, in knowing he can’t keep Jesper forever but wanting him around as long as he feels fulfilled. Actually, it’s easier to think in those terms, that Kaz is nothing but a selfish bastard, than him clumsily trying to fill a gap where he can with someone he loves.

He simply mouths to Jesper ‘you’re funnier’ with a look that says ‘there can’t even be a contest.’

Crows flying together.

Jesper looks surprised for a moment, then preens with a silent gesture that indicates 'obviously'. As if to tentatively expand the reassurance he mouths bask to Kaz ‘You answer her.’ He of course does pantomimes as though Kaz couldn’t follow otherwise.]

Who’s there?

Kelp me. [ Inej frowns. That doesn't sound right at all. As soon as she speaks, she follows it up with a panicked, ] Wait, that's not how it goes!

[ Jesper bursts out laughing, clapping his hands. When he realises he's not clapping them close to Inej, he ensures to do so right over the communicator so that she can hear that he's laughing so very hard. ] There she is. The Wraith. The doomer of all jokes. How did that last joke of yours go? The one with the gorilla and the bartender? I've noticed you don't say any more bar jokes, Nej.

[ The one good thing about not being in the same room with either of them is that she can hide her face in her hands without Jesper pointing at her and bringing it to everyone's attention. Her face heats like she's the sun. Sometimes she wonders if she's truly an Inferni with how often her skin flushes like this.

And when she speaks again, her voice is muffled, but still loud in her horror. ]

Shut up, Jes! You messed me up on the last one!

Wait, it... might make sense...

[Kaz is trying. He's very tired and a little tipsy but his sheer will power refuses to be anything less than on point. Maybe what she said makes sense if he was in a better headspace.

It doesn't.

Maybe he can make it make more sense?]

No it works.

'Kelp me who?'

'Kelp me like those shell frauds don't.' [LISTEN he tried, he wanted to make it work. He has her back. Crows fly together? He's very tired.]

... if you wanted to take the heat for absolutely failing, Kaz... well done. Failing at the joke, that is.

[At slowly being an actual human person? Maybe he's learning.]

[ Inej can't help but chuckle at Kaz trying to rescue her poorly executed joke. It was bound to happen. No matter how many times she recites it over and over in her head, she jumbles it up. Perhaps it's for the best; Inej would rather retain the information she's carefully collected than mess that up for Kaz. ] Not even you can save this one, Kaz, but thank you for trying.

Maybe that's the joke. Kaz trying to save the joke from the Wraith.

[ Inej's sigh is put upon. ] Be nice, Jes.

I'm just saying. And I'm always nice. I didn't try and correct your joke or remind you that I am the best joker out of the lot of you. Of everyone in the city, perhaps.

I see you're still modest.

And you're still a poor joke teller, Inej. So poor that the boss man feels the need to save you. Now, that's funny.

[ Obviously no offence to Kaz, but he should've let that joke drown a very quick drowning. ]

Trust me! It's funny! The joke, not... [ Inej groans and audibly smacks her hand against her forehead. ] I hate you both.

I haven't done anything at the moment.

I like that you had to add that bit at the end. 'At the moment.' It shows a modicum of self-awareness.

[He earns a look at that.]

Yes, yes, you bring literal meaning to the phrase 'killer looks.' [Kazzle stretches and trots over to curl up on Kaz's bed.] Even the cat gets more use out of your bed. Or he's trying to tell us that we're boring. No, it can't be that. We're all three fascinating people. Me the most.

[ At least Kaz is self-aware enough to know something is on the horizon when it comes to him. She could never hate him even if he tried to make her, but she likes that both of them take it in stride.

Her face is still flushed with embarrassment for botching a simple joke. Thankfully, neither of them can see it. She has the luxury of playing it off.

After taking a sip of water, she closes her eyes and tries to imagine a cat on Kaz's bed. She can almost see it. ]

Cats sleep a lot, you know—and they sleep even more when they're surrounded by very tall, boring men. [ Like the two of them. Inej allows that implication to remain silent. She misses them dearly, although she can't admit that to Kaz. The walls they've managed to knock down tonight would erect thickly in an instant. ] Let him sleep on the pillow, Kaz. It's a nice pillow.

Hey! We are fascinating tall men, thank you very much.

I don't really care if I'm interesting or not. [He's heard many times that he focuses on work too much and it slides right off his back.]

Well, fine. You're boring and you make me boring by association, apparently.

The cat can sleep where he wants as long as it's not where I'm walking. Which until tonight I would have said that makes the bed fine, because what weirdos would walk on a bed? [These two weirdos he's talking to, apparently.]

I think he might be implying something, Inej.

I think he is, Jesper.

[ She ensures to hum long and loud as though she's considering the magnitude of Kaz's statement. He hasn't said not to walk on his bed—and Inej will ensure that she does so when she returns to Ketterdam, with or without him witnessing it. ]

How does that make you feel, Inej? I'm curious. [ Jesper presses his fingers to his chin as he hums thoughtfully. Stirring the pot has always been an incredibly gratifying hobby of his, even if this pot won't exactly bubble over into something extraordinary. Kaz is as unemotive as a brick wall sometimes. ]

As a weirdo who walks on Kaz Brekker's bed when he is and isn't in the room, it makes me feel like doing it even more. I might even consider jumping on it.

Ahh. And how does that make you feel, Kaz? Knowing that a weirdo is going to jump on your bed when she's next in the city? You must have some feelings about that.

[Kaz obstinately does not play along and hum to complete the trio of songbirds, though he does give a small headshake in exasperated fondness at them.]

I don’t have feelings. I have solutions.

You say that, but you love us too much to booby trap the bed with anything really nasty. … probably.

Put your unwashed feet on my pillow and find out.

[ Ah, yes; typical Kaz. His lack of playing along is already adding to the chorus of humming.

Inej can't help but snicker, but when she speaks next, she feigns offence. ]

I hope you're talking to Jesper and not me!

Hey! I'm deeply offended by what you're implying about my feet, Nej! My foot care routine is to die for.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject