noreasonneeded | IC/Overflow Post

You know I wouldn't.

[She feels bad as he backs away. She eats the onion off the fork. She is waiting for him to instigate touch whenever he is ready for it. Even if it takes years.

She watches him go and sips her coffee.]

You made it. I just get a medium roast so it isn't too bitter.

[As badly as he needs to go, Kaz did pause at hearing her sound like she feels poorly and tries to reassure her.]

I know you weren't serious. I wasn't, either.

[He'd figured she was joking and his backing away had been meant playfully. Though he supposes wires get crossed. It's one reason communication in his mind is dreadful even if people keep reasonably pointing out to him it's necessary and healthy.]

I'll be back in a minute. We can talk more then.

[He returns refreshed and ready for coffee, leaning against the counter as he drinks.]

You can get credit for the purchase, then. Though I don't mind when it's bitter. Did you eat yet?

Sorry, I worry sometimes.

[Stella is aware that he is, in many ways, incredibly delicate. She tries to tread very carefully. When he gets back she is taking a bite of the food, once she's swallowed she nods.]

I'm working on it.

You don't have to worry about me.

[He's very used to being the one looking out for everyone else, it's the role he's comfortable inhabiting.]

Yeah? Good. [He tries some of the scramble for himself. It's certainly not fine cuisine, but for a quick home cook meal, he finds it decent.] Also not bad. Though we also have your stocked fridge to thank for it.

[That makes her arch a brow.]

You're incredibly tough; but not unable to be hurt.

[Both physically and emotionally.]

I try to keep enough in my kitchen so I always have something easy on hand.

Pain's easy to handle.

[It's the living beyond the hurt that's the harder part. Though moments like this help clear that path a little more. Moments outside of just his work or quest for revenge.]

It's good thinking ahead. I try and do the same at the Slat, always have something on hand.

[Not just for himself, but all the crew. Everyone under Kaz's wing have a roof over their heads and food to eat if they want it. Though any specialty items or personal snacks, those come out of their own pockets.]

Physical pain can be. It doesn't dig as deep.

[Having your world turned upside down with grief is far worse than any physical pain she's experienced.]

You're basically the Dad crow, you do realize that? It's very endearing.

[He takes care of his crew as family and Stella finds that to be incredibly sweet.]

[Kaz’s first instinct is to respond that if one shuts their emotions down, even grief can glide off stone. What he’s come to learn however is that while his pain is very real, it doesn’t make him special. Stella isn’t talking about him right now. And while he might at one point have fled rather than talk about emotions, his or anyone else’s, he remains standing there albeit awkwardly.]

It sounds like you have a lot buried. Or perhaps you’ve shoveled it up.

[She gets a snort at the rest.]

They’re just worse than cats if you don’t feed them, and just as bad to herd.

A substantial number of years leads to a lot of shitty things happening to you.

[She gives a little shrug. While she deals with her emotions pretty well, there are still many things she has seen and experienced that she tries to keep buried deep in her mind.

If you live long enough you experience the feast and the famine.]

You're the boss cat then? Bringing home mice so they don't squabble?

I can imagine. For what it's worth, I hope whatever caused the shitty things has an even shittier time from it.

[He doesn't offer platitudes or promises of a better future, only that life's pains catch up with those that caused them, too. And when life doesn't take care of it by natural order, he's more than fine with comeuppances coming other ways.]

I'm... I cut the checks.

[He does more, of course, but he doesn't really know how to put it into words.

He drains his cup and pours a second.]

Thank you. That is honestly a much better response than some of the bullshit people say.

[People are so quick to offer meaningless platitudes and promises they can't fulfill.]

You care about your adopted family.

[And that is a reasonable thing to do.]

I try and avoid bullshit where I can. And if anyone hurts you now, I'd help you pay them back if you wanted.

[He gets it. Not that many have ever bothered or dared to offer him platitudes. Kaz built up walls to act like nothing has ever hurt him, and it's worked well in keeping things like that at bay. He wouldn't want that bullshit, anyway.

As to the rest, he gives a small shrug. His voice is rough, even more so than the raspy quality he normally has.]

Someone should look out for them.

How is your adopted family doing?

Thank you. I would do the same for you.

[She may not be prone to violence, but she can lure people into a sense of security to get them in place for whatever Kaz has planned.]

They're alright. My mom sends me letters, she thinks it is more fun than phone calls, I think it's cute.

I believe you would.

[Kaz believing in someone to have his back is the highest of praise. Stella's proven herself trustworthy though to enter his small inner circle, even if she isn't in the gang proper.]

She sounds like someone I could see raising you. Picking a quaint quirk over a more practical means.

[She wouldn't be of much use as a proper crow. She is likely far better as someone that comes in when her very specific skills are needed.]

She is very cute in that way and I am always happy to find a little letter.

[She entirely doesn't have to become a Crow, Kaz has other people in his life who are in a similar situation.]

I don't think I've ever had anyone write me a letter, unless leaving me Post-It notes on what to add to the grocery list instead of just writing them on the grocery list counts.

Really? You know I'm going to send you a letter now, right?

It may be just nonsensical scribbling, but I'm doing it.

Really. Who would send me a letter? I'm not counting job offers from overseas.

Do you have a doctor's handwriting?

People you know who took an overseas job?

It's not the most beautiful handwriting but it's mostly legible.

[His brow furrows a moment trying to figure out who she means. Lantsov and Alina always lived overseas. He has one Crow who is now living on the seas, though.] You mean Inej?

Ah, so it'd be intentional scribbling. Dare one say doodling.

Not in particular, just anyone.

[Because he's probably known people who have moved away, or so she would assume.]

Now my doodles are truly awful. They are proof that I am no artist myself.

There aren't actually that many people in my life, past or present.

[Kaz has kept an incredibly small circle around himself. For many years there wasn't anyone after his father and Jordie died, and then he cracked open a window for Jesper and Inej, with Nina and the other Crows trickling after. It's only been in recent times that he's befriended others in Ravka. There are a few Dregs members whom he's friendly with like Anika and Pim, but they're so far lifers like he is with the gang.]

I'm decent at sketching. Not great but I can get a blueprint or mugshot out if I need to. There's no creativity to it, though. I just use it for planning missions.

[His creativity comes out in the heist details itself.]

[She nods]

I guess you really aren't the most sociable and friendly person.

[Stella likes the challenge of him. Of slowly creeping her way into his life.]

Will you draw me like one of your mugshots?

[That frank but true observation earns a little smile.]

'Like a drawer full of bees' someone once said. I think that's pretty accurate.

I can if you want, but I'm really not an artist. It won't have flourishes. I prefer to show creativity in other ways.

Hmm, I can see why that would be the comparison. I think you're more of a hedgehog, very spikey outside, but sweet and squishy underneath.

[Yes, she did just call him 'sweet and squishy' and she has no regrets.]

Mostly with plotting?

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