There’s a momentary pause before Kaz replies in an even tone, “The Wraith won’t be joining. Roeder will be the spider on hand should you need backup inside.” Roeder is another member of the Dregs, someone who is solid at his job and loyal to Kaz. He’s never been Kaz’s first choice as a spider, not until Inej has left, but he is a decent one who can have Yelena’s back. Kaz has simply pressed on, business as usual, not acknowledging the ache left when his gaze lingers at his window. While Inej is missed, Kaz doesn’t regret giving her the means to pursue slavers and protect women like her. Those that are closest to him, his Crows, Kaz would do anything for them. That includes letting them fly when their wings need stretching. He doesn’t go into any further details on it though, leaving it simply as Inej no longer being with them.
Finishing off his cup, he sets it down and gives a small nod. He figured that she would want to witness the questioning. A small price to pay, the sharing of information. Admittedly Kaz’s tendency is to hold all his cards to his vest alone, but that isn’t always the wisest play. He trusts Yelena to be smart about what is shared, and even be a benefit in what questions she might ask. “I’ll have the plans sent over then, let me know if any questions or concerns arise prior to the meeting time.”
I haven't the faintest of clues, I usually don't get to catch more than maybe a glimpse of them. Nor have I been able to catch anything of what they're saying either. Do you happen to know anything? Or have you heard anything?
He’s come to text Max regularly these days, that wall of the screen between them providing a slightly comforting barrier when talks veer towards personal matters. For all of Kaz’s quick thinking, for all his planning ten steps ahead in every heist, feelings somehow blindside him. It’s been easier to simply type onto a phone after taking his time processing matters rather than having a genuine face to face talk. Even then, after Max revealed his true feelings, Kaz still feels his brain stutter. He could simply have continued to leave things on a superficial level, with two phones between them, but he knows he’s failing even in doing that. It’s not conveying enough, not for a topic like this, and Kaz cares enough about Max to try and do this right.
Kaz does care for the other man. He likes him in a way that’s left his thoughts lingering after they parted, even if he never thought anything might come of it. There’s only ever been two other times in his life when he’s felt stirrings, once at fourteen with Imogen, and then years later with Inej. Neither time he’s ever been able to make anything of it, though he has been trying to pull himself into a better version of a man. To not be so broken and twisted inside that he’s doomed to ruin those around him, to never let someone touch him metaphorically if not physically. Max is a good person, a good man, and he deserves someone who’s willing to be open and vulnerable with him. In that respect, Kaz knows he’s fallen short. Perhaps though it’s not entirely too late to start.
Kaz arrives home at the Slat, the converted house not far from the Club, minutes later as promised. It’s relatively quiet even downstairs for once. He takes off his shoes by the door, lining them up neatly, feeling the relief of it from a long day on his feet. Black socks are left on, along with gray pinstripe suit pants, black suit shirt, black and gray vest, and his gloves. It’s contrasted with the pale skin of his face, the shadows beneath his eyes, the sharp angles of his body. A man made of marble he’s been called, smooth enough to slick off the surface until you got cut on a jagged edge. He doesn’t enjoy being that though for his family. Somehow they’ve found small cracks and crevices to nestle against.
Max has, too. Kaz doesn’t often put it into words, but he does use little gestures. Max told him that he’d been drinking, liquid courage, so Kaz has brought over some food in case he needs something to soak up the alcohol. It’s nothing that impressive, just some flatbread, but it’s easy to eat and he carries the takeout box with him. Taking care of someone, that’s the only real way Kaz knows how to show affection. That, and protecting them, although Max is a good fighter in his own right, too.
His hat he gently hangs up, then with his cane limps over to where Max is sitting. His heart is pounding as he slowly lowers himself into a seat beside him on the sofa, not close enough to touch, raising his leg to rest on the coffee table. His gaze falls on the whiskey bottle, and it’s tempting to help numb the edges of his mind, but getting up to get himself a glass is too much effort after he’s sat down. Setting the box on the table, he opens it for Max to take some as he likes. Although if his nerves are like Kaz’s, he might not be hungry right now. Still. It won’t go to waste. He’s quiet for a moment, silence stretching, before he finally speaks. “Congratulations. Not many can catch me off guard.” He gives Max a small, lopsided smile at that, figuring a little teasing couldn’t hurt to kick things off. At least he hopes it shows that he’s not put off by what Max has said.
For all the things that Max had worked through while he was here in Ketterdam, clearing out the cobwebs in his heart hadn't actually been on the list. It hadn't even been on his radar to begin with. It wasn't until he'd settled down one day and had a short talk about relationships with Kaz, his friend and growing mentor that he let himself think of the day he might grow to care for another person once again. He'd been in something that had been dead for quite a while after loving so hard it devistated him in what he thought of as another life.
Heartbreak had been a very real thing for Max once upon a time, and when he ended up back in Roswell, and back with Liz who had been a constant in his life, things never quite seemed like what they should. There was never the passion or desire that Max craved between them. Max was an emotional creature. He thrived by his emotions once upon a time, and his relationships were testaments to this.
That's why it came a true surprise when a subtle flame began to ignite for the man he spent so much time with. It would make sense if he had carried feelings over for the person he had relied on, and spent time with growing back into himself. Max searched himself and had to make sure that it wasn't the only reason that side of him began to flare back to life again. Upon discovering it wasn't. He had to decide what to do about it. Should he even risk the close friendship he'd created by mentioning it at all.
It was a difficult decision, more difficult than he'd come across in ages. This was important. It wasn't like Kaz was like anyone he'd found himself falling for before. He couldn't simply grab the man and press their lips together to seal the deal. Pouring his feelings into a kiss wouldn't work this time. He'd have to use words, and they were often clumsy. So, liquid courage and an anonymous tagline it was. That didn't last long, and neither did his solitude. Although, Max could say that he felt better this way. He felt better knowing that he wasn't alone in all this.
When Kaz finally made it there beside him, Max took a deep breath and set down the bottle he'd been drinking from. He'd foregone the cup he had a short while ago. Max didn't have to look over to know the lithe body that sat next to him, so close to touch and yet not quite. He could sense the strong lines of Kaz's jaw, the dark inset eyes, and thin set of lips. Max had studied the man far more than he realized before this. He'd studied him, thought about him and thought about a lot more than simple things. It made his heart beat fast knowing he was near right now, and knowing what Max had finally admitted to aloud, to himself and to Kaz all at once.
The alien snorted out a short laugh at the quip, he couldn't help it. "Off guard, huh? I would have sworn that my comment about you being fine earlier would have gave it away, that and about how good you smell." Max turned, and grinned softly. "Which you do by the way." He bit his lip softly, and tried not to make it awkward. "Can I get you anything, a glass or you know, my lips on yours?" He teased a little, knowing that the latter is impossible, but Max can play. He's laughed softly as he says it, so that Kaz knows he's kidding when the words fly from his lips. Max doesn't want pressure here. He doesn't want anything between them that might mess any of this up.
Kaz shakes his head a little and admits, “I thought you were joking.” Nina sometimes teasingly flirts with him as well, but her heart is decidedly not set on Kaz for anything romantic. Though did perhaps a part of him hope it hadn’t just been that? Had he lingered in the shower a moment longer, wondering if Max did actually like the scent of his soap? It’s hard to even tell right now. That’s the problem with feelings, it tangles up a mind with sentiment to where the ends aren’t always so clear. Yet he could have simply locked himself away in his office. He could have sat alone and sorted everything out until it made sense in a way he could sweep it under the rug. Let Max down gently. Move on with his life. It would have been simpler. Perhaps even safer, for both of them.
Kaz doesn't want that, though. He’s so tired of being alone. He has his friends, his family. He loves them deeply. He thinks they know it. Yet he’s kept up a wall even with them, holding himself apart so that he could protect them. So that he could protect himself. He’s not so altruistic that he doesn’t know it’s also been selfish. He’s terrified of lowering his fortress and having the waters crash over him once more, drowning him as they should have all those years ago. Of having to pull himself back to shore again. He’s spent so many years since then ensuring nobody else has to suffer alone that he’s forgotten how to let anyone offer him the same.
Until now. Max has offered him a hand in this new venture. Perhaps they might pull one another up, to ensure neither falls.
He gives a little smile and adds, “I thought you just had a very sensitive nose, in addition to it being a very attractive one.” Likely a little clumsy, but Max has found one of Kaz’s weaknesses. He’s terrible at this sort of thing unless he’s undercover. Which might go to show that it actually means something genuine with Max.
In the past Kaz would have demurred Max getting him a glass. He’s perfectly capable of handling everything on his own. This time though he thinks on what the offer is really trying to do, and he pauses before saying slowly, “A glass would be nice.” The mention of kissing, he knows it’s meant as a joke so no offense is taken, but his gaze casts itself downward in thought. Any such physical touch is a long way off. Even holding hands with his gloves on is something he has to prepare himself to manage. Kaz wants to work towards overcoming his trauma, though. He meant it when he said before that he doesn’t want to be like this forever. He wants to hug his friends. He wants to kiss someone who means something special to him.
He licks his lips that suddenly feel dry and he softly adds, “I’m working on the rest. Touch is… difficult for me.” He holds up a hand. “We can talk about all that some other time. Let’s enjoy the moment without bad memories. Just… I want you to know, it is something I’m working on. Letting down my armor. And not because of you.” He would never put the pressure of his mental health or overcoming trauma on someone else. “It’s something I’ve been doing for myself. And for everyone around me.” He gives a little shrug. “I just want you to know you’re not alone in working on yourself. And that you deserve someone who is doing the same.”
"Well, this time there was no joke. I tend to be serious when it comes to telling people I find them attractive. You, are enough that my heart tends to stumble over itself lately when you walk into the room." Max tries to look down so that the immediate flush and sting of flirting directly with Kaz in person isn't so difficult, but he knows that this is what he's wanted all along and he might as well give in and let fly the person he knows himself to be with someone he likes. He's stupidly candid, and often overly romantic when it comes down to it. He's got the heart of a poet, and never ceases to use the opportunity.
Since words will be his virtue in this relationship, he might as well grow into using them. There are other things to talk about, and he will get there as well. "Attractive nose, huh? Here I figured you'd admire my build, but hey, I'll go with nose." Max has never thought much about his nose, but if it's garnered attention, then he will enjoy every bit of it.
Taking his time, he smiles when Kaz relents and allows Max to get him a glass. Max knows what a deal it is, and wets his lips with a large grin as he wanders over to get the glass in question. He doesn't say anything about it, just pours three fingers and hands it over to Kaz before settling a little closer on the couch. Still not touching, but he can feel the heat from the other man's body. It makes him break out in a soft flush.
"I know that touch is not easy, and I will respect that. I am someone who enjoys physical contact a lot, but I also enjoy words and conversation. I think we can figure out a middle ground for now and a way to work forward together. I have armor as well. People that have hurt me, men in particular. I haven't been with one in a very long time because of it. Haven't even been attracted. You... you caught me off guard too." He smiles, because even though Kaz is caught off guard, Max is too. He may know his feelings, but the fact that he has them is a surprise to him. That he is so willing to be here with this man, stuns him. Yet, he can feel the flutter in his stomach still and the way his heart continues to ramble about in his chest as if horses are tapdancing-- forget running, they gave that up a while ago for top hats and canes.
I'll be sure to give you copious notes if I find anybody I knew.
Seriously. I think I had to burn that dress, less because of the smell and more like a ritual cleansing. It was cathartic. But I promise to not start any riots at your place.
[It's nice, to share something like this. He has dear friends whom he bonds with over other things, but none that love poetry like he does. Nobody to discuss and debate and expand his knowledge on it beyond the books he can grab. He has zero skills in saying as much, so he lets silence speak for him. Eventually he replies.] Please do. Your own thoughts even aside from personal anecdotes wouldn’t be remiss.
I haven’t burned any suits for catharsis, but I think I get the meaning. I would prefer the club to remain intact. I’ve lost it in the past, and that’s been enough.
[ Poetry isn't too far off from songs. Lots of them, particularly the folk songs she sings, were poems first before someone decided to put them to music. ] I think that's about as open an invitation to ramble at you about poetry as I could ever hope for.
Don't worry, the riot thing happened a long time ago when I was first figuring things out, and I didn't realize how ready everyone was to abandon decorum and start tossing tables around.
As long as you don’t mind I might sometimes multitask behind a desk. Yes, though. You’re welcome to ramble. A lot of the poetry I know I’ve only heard read by myself. Unless I looked online but it’s not quite the same. There are poetry readings but… I never made time for it.
Ah. Power growing pains? I’ve heard tales. Not of your kind, but Grisha.
I'd never try to take your multitasking from you. Poetry readings are always a very different experience. Then again, I remember when the practice was to snap at the end of every poem to show our appreciation, mostly to avoid noise complaints.
Something like that, yeah! A lot of what I can do really depends on which song I'm singing for it, so when I pulled out one a little angrier than my usual, the whole tide turned. I wonder how similar we actually are to Grisha, but I don't know that any of them have quite the same skillsets as we do.
I've always said that life can truly be about the small, petty things sometimes. The higher road is just putting more exertion on oneself to take an uphill battle.
A little weird, but honestly a vast improvement for people not accidentally setting each other's hair on fire. That was a real risk with how much hairspray was going around in those arena shows.
Small Science, right? Hard to call some of what we do scientific. There's a few of the older ones that know about us, I think. Probably the ones that can tell we don't have beating hearts.
I’ve only inhaled hairspray secondhand and I don’t know how anyone does it on a daily basis.
That’s what they call it, yeah. Some get really grumpy if you try and lump it under magic. That would make sense about a Heartrender. Though Nina’s pretty used to keeping her own counsel on what she reads off people.
I've been told you get used to it. Personally I never used much of it until after I didn't need to breathe.
There's definitely worse things to call it than science or magic. We just don't have the luxury of there being much of a distinction, all things considered. Nina is very nice, though, and I doubt she'd point me out to an inquisitioner. You keep better company than that.
My hair routine takes two minutes including washing, so I don’t envy those that are more industrious with theirs.
She is many things, but definitely not a person who’d do that. I figure as long as it’s put to worthwhile use it doesn’t really matter what such abilities are called, though I know some Grisha have a negative history associated with it being called magic or them being called witches.
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